The Guy Code
From a very young age I was exposed to this supposed "Guy Code" that we read about in our text book. The "Guy Code" made the earlier years of my life a nightmare to say the very least. I often woke up wondering why I was being treated the way I was. I didn't know what I had done to deserve it. I feel like most people don't know why they are treated poorly by the people around them. Still to this day I question why I was treated so poorly at a young age, I have suspicions and guesses, but I will never know for sure what I did wrong to deserve being treated the way I was treated. But I was different from other boys.
When I read "The Guy Code" I was able to draw parallels to my life very easily. It felt like I was the opposite of so many of these predominantly masculine traits. It made me ask the question: Is this why I was treated so poorly by my father? Growing up I was treated poorly by my father. He didn't have a father figure growing up and I have come to blame that for his behavior. He depended upon his friends to show him what the guy code was, and, in a way, they taught him how to later abuse his son.
Growing up I was very emotional and I tended to show my emotions through tears and words instead of the usual masculine tradition of going out and beating up my problems. From an early age my father would yell at me for crying or being afraid of something. He would call me a wimp and tell me to grow up. He didn't even remotely understand the basics of being a good father, and, as a result, I suffered. I was a wimp because I was afraid of spiders, or because I didn't like scary movies, or because I had nightmares.
Upon reading the essay on the guy code I realized just how damaging these standards are to the emotional and psychological health of little boys across the nation or the globe for that matter. These standards, in some ways, can cause a resentment and abusiveness to the people around them. I feel like it is the boys who are harassed and teased growing up that tend to abuse their children more as a sort of revenge to all the people who were cruel to them growing up. Sometimes I notice a resentment towards fathers, even among my own friends. They resent their father because he didn't stand up for them or help them, he simply told them to "grow a pair and fight". Fighting isn't always the answer.
Look at congress. They fight each other tooth and nail everyday. Is this as a result of this ridiculous "guy code" that prevents males from having any emotion at all and turns us into mindless and unfeeling humans? I feel that this code does more damage than it prevents. Fighting isn't the answer to anything, nor is being stubborn or anything else that the code preaches about. Diplomacy and flexibility are what make boys into men. Standing up for our beliefs and feelings and not backing down is what men really are.
Why do we follow this code? What purpose does it serve us males or anybody else for that matter? I felt the impact of this code, and I still do everyday when I walk through school and observe the people around me. Why this code is so important most of us will never know, but I end this post with one question: why do males choose to invest so much time into such a primitive and irrelevant code?
First off, I am clearly not a male. This blog was difficult for me to comment or find a piece to comment on because 1. I am not a male, and I do not follow the guy code and 2. I don’t have any male figures in my life to observe and respond upon. But what I do find myself troubling upon is the Guy Code so scared to men? (Restating your question.)
ReplyDeleteI am a believer in gender roles. I think woman should be sensitive and nurturing while the man should “toughen up” the offspring. When I say toughen up, though, what I simply mean is the man should be a role model for the son/daughter in strength. Learning to be assertive in desires that one wants, to be independent, to be able to stand up, to be able to realize that when someone hurts you, you should be able to pull back from their rude ways.
But the way I view the Guy Code delivery is wrong. Men are simply doing it wrong. Your dad is the perfect example; instead of building you up to be an independent and strong son of his, he broke you (assuming from your post.) Your dad should have taught you when you have a nightmare, that their not real, and you can fight off whatever hurts you (emotionally) by not listening to the cruel ways. When someone teased you and you cried (assumed) you should have been taught that it’s okay to be hurt by it, but then teach you that they are beneath you in satire, and not important to your life goals.
Men today take the Guy Code to a new level, an assumed level, a level that isn’t in the original Guy Code of gender roles.
Men nowadays fight with fists, but should be fighting those who break others. Men shouldn’t be afraid to cry, they should be open to sharing emotions of protection and fears about losing loved ones.
In today’s society my boyfriend can’t open a door for me, do me a favor, and pick something up for me without getting the good old “whipped” comment thrown at him. That’s NOT how it should be.
Men literally live and die by the Guy Code and its wrong.